These did not orginate with me, but they seemed like a good way to start the week:
Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with?
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
While watching the Olympics, I found myself cheering equally for China and the US. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -but I'd bet a million dollars everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.